Don't say it out loud.

I wont admit it. Not even to myself. The moment I say it is the moment all the pain comes flooding back. the wounds I've worked quickly to mend will unstitch causing more harm to my emotions, thoughts, and heart. The hastily sewn stitches are the only things holding me together. Its keeping what's left of me in me. I've lost parts of myself in all the bullshit. I don't smile like I used to. My eyes don;t sparkle. I've lost my energy, my cheeriness, my ability to bounce back.

And if I say it, I don't know what else I'll lose. i don't want to lose myself to you. Specially if you wont care for those parts of me because in the end it's still me.

So I wont say it. I wont admit it. I wont say. I  lov wont.